Monday, 25 September 2017

Children – What do they really want?

As the school term comes to an end, so do many of our children’s winter sporting activities. Just when you think you are going to regain your weekends and have lazy Saturday morning brunches the booking forms and emails are circulating for spring/summer activities.

What will it be this season – cricket, basketball, netball, tennis, athletics? The list is endless with one child wanting to do one activity and the other child wanting to do another which of course demands being in a different place at a different time to the other. But do our children really want to do all the after-school activities we sign them up for?

What is important to our children is quite often very different to what we as their parents perceive as being important to them. Many parents today feel as though we aren’t ‘good enough’ and want our children to have every opportunity available to them that we ourselves did not have as a child. Often racing from one activity to another thinking we are doing the best for our children but it doesn’t feel the same for our children who are potentially feeling tired, overstretched and emotionally drained. Quite often separated parents feel the need to overindulge their children to compensate for their family home having been broken. Children, however have a far more simplistic view on life which involves having a routine of sleep, friendships, food and school.

If you have five minutes to spare stop and reflect upon your own childhood. What do you recall? Is it being taken to activities every week after school, trips to museums, the cinema or is it the small gestures from your parents, staying home for some down time on a weekend, family time?

Ask your children what is important to them and you may find they give you completely different answers to those you think. Here are a few:

1.       Tuck me in at bedtime and talk to me about our day

2.       Hugs and kisses

3.       Listening to me

4.       One on one time without my sibling

5.       Discipline me

6.       Snuggle on the sofa and watch a movie together

7.       Playing outside

Contact for more information or if you would like to talk to one of us further.

Monday, 18 September 2017

Should I stay or should I go?

Not only are they the lyrics to a famous song by ‘The Clash’ but words that often echo over and over when one is contemplating separating from their partner. Will the grass be greener on the other side or should I “shut up and put up”?

You may be thinking I’ve given this relationship my all, I have nothing more to give. You may have tried Counselling to get back on track or confided in a close friend or family member but things still aren’t right. You may be thinking I will wait until the children have finished their education or are old enough to understand.

There is never a ‘right’ time but what is important is that if you are contemplating a separation that you are well informed and have the right support network around you to guide you through the transition and to ensure the best possible outcome for you and your children.

At Bayside Collaborative we can explore with you your hopes and fears for the future, arrangements for your children and your financial needs but we also work collaboratively with a number of Psychologists and Financial Planners who can also assist you the decision making process and future planning needs.

Contact us today for more information at

Monday, 11 September 2017

My house or yours?

Invariably within any household there is inequality in terms of income. Decisions are often made that one parent will be the ‘bread winner’ whilst the other will be the ‘home maker’ and ‘carer’ for the children of the family. Those practical decisions work when the family is together as a whole but what happens following a separation?

One house becomes two, two incomes become one.

The parent who assumed the role of home maker may struggle to make ends meet, may need to secure employment or an increase in working hours whilst the other parent may see little change in their financial need and obligations.

Common question I hear during collaborative meetings are – how are we going to manage? How am I going to be able to afford a house let alone a house close to the children’s school? I won’t be able to afford to meet all of the financial demands myself?

Children may experience very different lives at each of their respective parent’s homes – enjoying the luxuries they were used to as a family with one parent whilst living a more modest life with the other.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Part of the collaborative process enables separating couples to discuss how they are going to afford to make ends meet and where there are shortfalls how those needs can be met from the asset pool. The separation process is never easy and should not be one in which the children suffer the consequences of their parents separation. With determination and focus throughout the Collaborative process on the needs of the children of the family, financial shortfalls can be remedied. 

Contact Bayside Collaborative for more information